W-i-f-e

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
Husband: I found Aladdin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh.. darling..love u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal :)
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents, "I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life".

Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents like "I will keep your son happy for the rest of his life"?

No. Because women don't tell lies!
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A small argument between a couple turns violent.

Husband says: Don’t let the animal in me come out!

Wife replies: Who’s afraid of a mouse?
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad and uncomfortable.

If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable and happy.
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:

Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband.

“Miss” for first year and “Stress” for rest of the life.
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!

Dad: What role are you playing?

Son: A husband!

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me, you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.

Man inside: “I am talking to my wife!”
 

جاسمن

لائبریرین
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage. She said, “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot.”
 
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