one liner & funny quotes

[تعبیر]

# Girl to Boyfriend: Now it's time we should marry.
Boy: That's ok, but who'll marry us.


# Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: U men r all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about u.



# Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.
Lalu: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

​

 

[تعبیر]

# Banta: Give me a bag full of money, job and a vehicle full of girls
God made him a bus conductor of ladies special bus!


# Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

# Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?
Pappu: (Luking down) No...
Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.​

 

[تعبیر]

# Santa: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Banta: Ok
Santa: A white horse fell in the mud.




# When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness

# Last week I asked my wife what she wanted as a present for her birthday.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards


​

 

[تعبیر]

# My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!"


# Q: What is your date of birth?
A: February eleventh.
Q: What year?
A: Every year

# Santa, "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer, "I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror


​

 

[تعبیر]

# The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."


# husband says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

wife says: "I'll really miss you"

# Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it


​

 

[تعبیر]

# Teacher: Now, Sonu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sonu : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook

# Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong

# Q: Which day is stronger, Sunday or Monday?
A: Sunday. Monday is a weekday



# Q: What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer





​

​

 

[تعبیر]

# Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A sand-witch





A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain


Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
- Oliver Goldsmith


Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half the CV's away before you even look at them.
- David Brent


By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates



Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.
- Socrates​

 

[محمدصابر]

nice posts